i can't decide if i like college. I like the idea, the freedom, the independence. I can come in at 3 am completely wasted, and my mother wont even know. Not that i am doing that exactly... but in theory, i can do whatever i want. I have hours of time on my hand, and no one reminds me that it shouldn't be spent playing games or watching movies. is that a positive or negative? I am not sure. I like the lack of authority, but i require structure to survive. Everything is too lackadaisical here. Yes i had to look up how to spell lackadaisical. I'd like to say i looked it up in my new dictionary.. but no, i looked it up online. we have made life to easy in our society. I should talk about that in my next sociology essay.... i could also discuss the importance of ranting tangents. Is there an importance? I think it makes life more exciting and unknown. It doesn't matter anyways because no one reads this blog. As i said, this is for me. Like a journal, but im too lazy to actually find my notebook and write out my feelings there. This is easier because i was already on the computer and i dont have to move from my chair.
But life is not super easy. I am juggling school and the temptations of procrastination (which i am unfortunately falling for. this hour i was supposed to be studying for a geology test...). Boys and wanting to go out and have fun is also in the mix. I want to join clubs, i need tog et straight a's. I had to drop a class because it was too hard. there is actually a longer, more boring story.. but its not important now.
I didn't think to bring tube socks to college. its such a random thing, but come on i should have known. I also dont know where life is going with this one boy. he definitely likes me, and i like him. but obviously im not going to ask him to define what we have here. But i am curious. im not used to this, i dont know what the formalities are. i guess ill figure it out with time :)
i need to make new friends. I basically have one really good friend, and then a handful of getting to be good friends, and then a bunch of acquaintances. Side note: i just looked up 'acquaintances' in my actual paper dictionary. But, because i fail at life, i couldn't find it, and had to look online. who knew about that aCq? not me.anyways, back on topic, i need friends. im supposed to make my best friends while at college, and so far that is not looking to promising. Ill put myself out there a little more. good plan.
speaking about best friends, i feel like i want to talk to my best friends from home all the time. like im just dying to spend hours on the phone with them and talk about everything. I feel like its been forever since we did. BUT i am restraining myself. I know they are in there own lives, and I feel like i am just bothering them when i call, or want to talk for a long time. They are always just heading out... well some of them. I dont know.
i feel like the only reason I am in here, in college, is because thats what i am supposed to do. Then im supposed to graduate, go to grad school, and then get a good job. My problem is that i can't actually picture myself in that situation. i mean it is probably what i will end up doing. I am not out there enough or definitive enough in what i want to do otherwise. I mean i have no idea what i actually want. I know i will be depressed if i wind up in some boring 9-5 office job. But trust me, i understand the importance of making money. You can do more with your life if you can live comfortably. Not millionaire, though that would be nice, but just a comfortable life. I dont want to have to life pay check to pay check. That would leave me no life outside of work.
i think my resolve is to do something crazy. I will let you all know how it goes and what it is when i decide.
off to class, yay
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