no one ever taught me how to survive

i don't think i am doing it right. college. i am not having a bad time. I just don't think i am going at it the right way.

summing up everything

i hate having so much time on my hands
i hate myself for ever creating a facebook account. I have no self control
i hate that i have no self control
i hate how expensive things are
i hate not being good at making friends
i hate having an obsession with disney movies and harry potter
i hate that in my sub conscious, school is not a priority
i hate songs and movies that end in happy endings
i hate that my dreams are scary, but im not scared
i hate hypocrisy, yet i am just as guilty as anyone else
i hate that i am not more outgoing
i hate that i have no talent
i hate that i don't have a lot of friends
i hate that i am writing a depressing blog post
i hate that that doesn't make me stop
i hate getting zits because i am stressed out
i hate when my hair doesnt cooperate
i hate when inspirational songs come on the radio when i feel grumpy
i hate the way people dance int he 21st century
i hate blogging
i hate how far away i feel from everything familiar
i hate how close i am to home and safety
i hate that i can't loose enough weight to really feel good about myself
i hate hot days
i hate being prude. even though i am not, i give off that persona for some reason
i hate that i don't wear enough make up
i hate that my nails are chipping
i hate all the song on my itunes right now
i hate that i don't make friends easily
i hate that i will have more to hate then to love


i love my best friends
i love my family
i love the few friends i have made here
i love GW in general- being in the city, classes, ect
i love bagels, snickers, and twix. the food and the animals
i love that i am seeing some of my friends soon

thats about it

life continues.. imagine that concept

i can't decide if i like college. I like the idea, the freedom, the independence. I can come in at 3 am completely wasted, and my mother wont even know. Not that i am doing that exactly... but in theory, i can do whatever i want. I have hours of time on my hand, and no one reminds me that it shouldn't be spent playing games or watching movies. is that a positive or negative? I am not sure. I like the lack of authority, but i require structure to survive. Everything is too lackadaisical here. Yes i had to look up how to spell lackadaisical. I'd like to say i looked it up in my new dictionary.. but no, i looked it up online. we have made life to easy in our society. I should talk about that in my next sociology essay.... i could also discuss the importance of ranting tangents. Is there an importance? I think it makes life more exciting and unknown. It doesn't matter anyways because no one reads this blog. As i said, this is for me. Like a journal, but im too lazy to actually find my notebook and write out my feelings there. This is easier because i was already on the computer and i dont have to move from my chair.

But life is not super easy. I am juggling school and the temptations of procrastination (which i am unfortunately falling for. this hour i was supposed to be studying for a geology test...). Boys and wanting to go out and have fun is also in the mix. I want to join clubs, i need tog et straight a's. I had to drop a class because it was too hard. there is actually a longer, more boring story.. but its not important now.

I didn't think to bring tube socks to college. its such a random thing, but come on i should have known. I also dont know where life is going with this one boy. he definitely likes me, and i like him. but obviously im not going to ask him to define what we have here. But i am curious. im not used to this, i dont know what the formalities are. i guess ill figure it out with time :)

i need to make new friends. I basically have one really good friend, and then a handful of getting to be good friends, and then a bunch of acquaintances. Side note: i just looked up 'acquaintances' in my actual paper dictionary. But, because i fail at life, i couldn't find it, and had to look online. who knew about that aCq? not me.anyways, back on topic, i need friends. im supposed to make my best friends while at college, and so far that is not looking to promising. Ill put myself out there a little more. good plan.

speaking about best friends, i feel like i want to talk to my best friends from home all the time. like im just dying to spend hours on the phone with them and talk about everything. I feel like its been forever since we did. BUT i am restraining myself. I know they are in there own lives, and I feel like i am just bothering them when i call, or want to talk for a long time. They are always just heading out... well some of them. I dont know.

i feel like the only reason I am in here, in college, is because thats what i am supposed to do. Then im supposed to graduate, go to grad school, and then get a good job. My problem is that i can't actually picture myself in that situation. i mean it is probably what i will end up doing. I am not out there enough or definitive enough in what i want to do otherwise. I mean i have no idea what i actually want. I know i will be depressed if i wind up in some boring 9-5 office job.  But trust me, i understand the importance of making money. You can do more with your life if you can live comfortably. Not millionaire, though that would be nice, but just a comfortable life. I dont want to have to life pay check to pay check. That would leave me no life outside of work.

i think my resolve is to do something crazy. I will let you all know how it goes and what it is when i decide.

off to class, yay

one week down, 51 to go...

Today is wednesday, and i find myself one week into my life as a college student. my friends are all having  a great time in college. they are meeting new people, finding cute boys, exploring there new cities, and having the time of their lives. Not going to lie, i feel slightly left out. i should be doing that too, right? i want all of those freshman college experiences. I can't decide what the problem is. either its me being thrown out of my comfort zone (which is totally possible) of my very weird roommate situation.
let me try to explain this int he most objective, fact only way possible.
(names are changed for my amusement)
Miriam got here on wednesday, the same day as me. I got here first, and got the obviously best bed set up. when she gets here, she picks the best bed, and then the better of two basically equal desks. the one she picked, though, is in the opposite corner of her bed. things go great for the next few days. Miriam is nice, though probably the most judgmental person i have ever met. she makes it clear that she hates drinking, smoking, drugs, partying, and basically everything to do with the dorm building we are in and the expected college life. And she has already made it clear that she will hate (though has yet to meet) our third roommate, Salt.

Salt arrives on saturday, unknowing that she already has an enemy in Miriam.  Salt is all about the Jersey Shore essence. she wears the cloths, does the hair, drinks, and smokes. basically, she could be a lot of fun. And, she is nice. we could be friends, and i could be having the party life i had planned on.
So anyways, she comes in to move her stuff in with her mother and sister. When they get there, they realize that miriam oddly took the desk next to Salt's bed, and left the desk next to miriam's bed for Salt. (let me know if your not fallowing me here, it is kind of confusing).

Salt's mom and sister ask Miriam if she wouldnt mind switching desks to make things easier, and give each person there own personal space. Miriam, very angry to be bothered with such a task, said back very coldly and angrily, no i iwll not  do that
then a war began

Salt's mom vs. Miriam
dun dun dun
Salt's mom was raising her voice and calling Miriam rude.
Miriam kept shouting back, no. and being rude.
Miriam goes outside, and tells her mother that Salt's mom is harassing her.

i know what you are thinking. calling someone rude from across the room is definitely a valid form of harassment. you are also thinking wtf, they are arguing over a desk.  well, that is what i was thinking when the cops show up sayign who called the police?!

can you believe that this ends well? well it doesnt.
Salt's mom had to be escorted out of the building by the police because Miriam didnt feel safe with her in there.

i am standing in the room witnessing this the entire time.

Salt now, obviously, hates Miriam. I would too if she called the police on my mother.

now my room is incredibly awkward, and both Salt and Miriam want the other to move out. Personally, i want Salt to stay. I like her!

but im not a mean person, and Miriam thinks we are friends.

Miriam also says she wants to call the cops if there is alcohol or drugs in the room.

no funnnnn.

anyways, i will update the public who regularly check my blog on the ever changing roommate drama in thurston 631

i must go now and meet some more normal people for dinner!

ps sorry that was excessively long.